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Status Update

Greetings Geeks!

This post is hard to write for me. However, I have come to a breaking point. This past holiday season, for the first time ever, I provided a customer an order that was of crap quality. On top of that, the order was more than 3 weeks late, according to my policies. While I did give the customer a full refund, prior to shipping, this experience really opened my eyes to how I’ve been attempting to function at a much higher capacity than I, or possibly anyone, can manage.

Because of this, I have put my store in “Vacation mode” and will only be accepting custom orders until August 2018—Grad school will be complete, and it’ll be one less thing on my plate.

This experience has also really made me look at my mental health. As I’ve written before, I suffer from Major Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. Last summer, I spent 2 weeks in an intensive therapy program 6 days a week, and then 3 weeks following in therapy 3 days a week at a psychiatric hospital. It was a great experience, and I learned a lot, it’s not one I’d like to repeat.

The combination of the two is not wanting to do anything, but freaking out and feeling guilty for it.

It’s waking up every morning giving yourself a 10 minute pep-talk to get out of bed followed by 15 minutes of deep breathing so your heart doesn’t beat out of your chest.

It’s pushing through the morning routine to just end up crying in the car to the point you can’t see through the tears to drive.

It’s needing a day off and feeling like you’re letting everyone down, as well as assuming judgement from others due to the inability to fight hard enough that day.

It’s taking medication on a regular schedule knowing a missed dose can easily set you back 2-3 days.

It’s having to fight to armies who are both fighting you together while simultaneously fighting each other.

It’s a nightmare ending in waking up to fight the same demons day after day with your eyes open.

It’s trying to practice “self-care” and realizing that it isn’t all pedicures and candy bars; and realistically, it rarely involves “treating yourself.”

It’s giving up things that are just too much. It’s putting things in perspective and reorganizing to make a life worth living.

It’s realizing you need to stop being everything to everybody.

So that is where I’m at. I’m reorganizing and restructuring my life. I will still be taking custom orders during this time through email and Facebook, so please feel free to contact me.


If you or anyone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

This includes if you/someone:

  • has a desire to die, disappear, or stop existing
  • has thoughts on how the act would be done, with or without intention
  • has any plan in mind to commit suicide

Self-Care Resources

Self-Care Assessment – Psychology Today

Helping yourself – Mind

List of other resources – Rockwood Leadership Institute

 

 

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Thoughtful Thursday: Creative Therapy

For a long time, I have turned to crochet as a mindful activity to clear my head and to cope with the world around me. Having a mental illness—major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder—finding coping methods is key to fighting my own head. I figured I would put this information right out there early in my blog because so much of my creativity comes from my internal demons, and my need to craft keeps me as sane as I can be. y illness does ebb and flow, and will always be a part of me, but I am learning to manage it.

I have been lucky. In my life I have been inspired by several people with many different artistic talents. My younger sister can visualize a drawing, painting, or scrapbook page and create it as if out of thin air; my daddy is an amazing woodworker, and I remember watching him completely lose himself in the grain of the wood. Both my mother and my aunt express imagination and beauty through quilts, albeit in very different ways. However, that’s the beauty of art; there is not a “wrong way” to create and through each piece the individual’s personalit shines through.

For me, it’s crochet. With every project I do, I fall into a place of calm. I am able to claer my mind and focus on the fell of the yarn, the color, the texture, the thickness… it’s taking a simple skein and turning it into a beautiful piece, no matter the final product. I am able to completely los track of time and self. Crocheting allows me to think in a different way then day-to-day problem solving we all face.

Crochet doesn’t just satify my creative needs, there is evidence that crocheting has health benefits due to fighting against depression, physical pain, insomnia, and grief, to name a few. In his 2004 TED Talk, “Flow, TheSecret to Happiness”, Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi stated, “When we are involved in (creativity), we feel that we are living more fully than during the rest of life, you know that what you need to do is possible to do, even though difficult, and sense of time disappears. You forget yourself. You feel part of something larger.”

Become Part of Something Larger

I encourage all of you to try something creative. Start small if you have to or take a class. Find something that speaks to the right side of your brain, and straight to your heart. If you desire, there are groups of all creative types who meet and you can soon build your network of positive, creative minds to challenge and accept you just as you are. Local libraries are a great place to start looking, as well as Meet Up, which allows you to find like-minded creators in your area. I personally will be at the Loops ‘N Hooch Meetup, August 20. Feel free to join us!

Reading List – Great books on the topic and to get you  started

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Crochet Saved my Life by Katheryn Vercillo
Crafting Calm by Maggie Shannon
Art Journals & Creative Healing: Restoring the Spirit through Self-Expression by Sharon Soneoff